I think I died a long time ago.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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