Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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