My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
