I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
