she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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