hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
