she was so not down for the gang bang
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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