what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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