My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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