I hate all girls vehemently.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
