To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
