That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
