Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
