I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
