this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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