You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
