I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
