Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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