I just cut my nipple shaving
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
