I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
