i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
