i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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