Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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