I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
