Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
