Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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