I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
