I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
