two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
