How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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