Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my shit smells like andre
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think my moral compass just broke
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
