what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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