my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i think my cat just said my name.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
