he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
