dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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