Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
