ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
