She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
