You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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