I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
