I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
