Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
