"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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