i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
