Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
