You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
