I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
