she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
