this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
