Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
